


Consummate Faith

by valkyrish



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: F/M, Pep Talk, Romance, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 14:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3293003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valkyrish/pseuds/valkyrish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kanan is plagued with self-doubt after Ezra’s brush with the dark side, but he’s always found his peace with Hera.</p><p>Takes place after Gathering Forces but before Path of the Jedi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consummate Faith

Once pressing matters had been settled, Kanan and Hera retreated to her room. The rest of the crew knew better than to bother them in there, but it was a moot point since the mood on the Ghost was unusually quiet. Even Chopper was subdued, helping Zeb with some minor weapon repairs.

“What happened out there?” Hera asked, closing the door behind her. Kanan’s face darkened as he sat down on her bed. The initial relief of returning safely to the ship had worn off, and he relayed the encounter to Hera.

She sat next to him, watching him with an even, calm expression even as he recounted Ezra’s connection with the dark side. After he finished, she still didn’t speak, though she did lay her hand on his.

“It feels like I failed him. Again. He didn’t even realize what he was doing.” He closed his eyes, shaking his head in frustration. “Ezra barely even knows what the dark side is. What kind of a master does that make me?”

“The only master he has,” Hera replied.

Kanan looked down at his knees. “Don’t sugarcoat it.”

“You know that isn’t what I meant,” she said, lifting his hands to remove his gloves, one at a time. “I have absolutely no doubt that you are both exactly what each other needs.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because you’re both back. You’re here.” Her hands were warm against his, and she laced their fingers together, pulling his left hand into her lap. “You knew teaching him wouldn’t be easy, but I believe in both of you. You’ve made it through worse.”

Not ready to see the reassurance in her eyes, he voiced his fears, the ones he wasn’t supposed to have. Fears only Hera could understand. “How can I stop him from losing himself when I was lost for so long?”

“He’s not alone, and he knows it. It may have taken you a little longer to figure it out, but you did.” She lifted his chin and he met her soft gaze.

“But I spent so many years practically teetering on the dark side, and I didn’t even care.” Kanan let out a bitter laugh. “If we hadn’t met, I’d probably still be drowning my sorrows in whiskey and women, running from my past.”

Hera shook her head. “I don’t believe that for a moment.” Kanan opened his mouth to protest, but Hera silenced him with a finger to his lips. That suited him just fine, because even after six years, he still couldn’t get enough of her voice.

“I saw who you were trying to be, but it only took a day to see who you really were.” Giving his hand a squeeze, she added, “This war was going to happen whether we met or not. I have no doubt that you would have realized it yourself before long.” Kanan wasn’t so sure, but he kept silent.

“My Jedi lore is a little spotty,” she went on, “but the dark side isn’t something that you just conquer, right? It’s always a possibility, and now that Ezra’s aware of it, you can teach him to resist it. You’ve done it your whole life.”

 _What did I do_ , Kanan wondered, _to deserve this woman’s company?_ He stroked her hand with his thumb and sighed. “You’d make a damn good Jedi, you know. Better than me.”

It wasn’t the first time the notion had crossed his mind. Hera was perpetually collected, stronger than anyone else he knew, and her consummate faith – in the rebellion, in him, in her comrades, in life in general – never failed to floor him. She understood sacrifice and compassion better than he did, and he remembered first-hand how much better she was at avoiding attachments.

“I’m not so sure about that, love. Someone’s gotta pilot this ship,” she said with a smirk.

One of Kanan’s eyebrows quirked up and he chuckled. “Oh, so you don’t disagree?”

“All I’m saying is that I can’t do what you do,” she began, “and vice versa.” 

Kanan laughed, gently pulling her arm back toward him. Her shoulder fell against his and they sat in a contented silence for a moment before she spoke again. “For the record, I’m glad we did meet.”

“So am I.” She had no idea how glad he was.

No matter what Hera said, she was the one who had brought him back to the Force. Maybe he would have found his way back eventually, but she had been the catalyst.

Every once in a while, Kanan wondered what his old master would have thought about Hera and himself. There was no doubt that this was love, the forbidden attachment kind, but when it came to Hera, he had no doubts. Loving her was inextricably tied to sacrifice. It meant that if it ever came down to Hera or the rebellion, her safety or the greater good, choosing her wasn’t an option. She’d never forgive him if he did, and she wouldn’t have fallen in love with him in the first place if things were any different. Kanan knew her priorities as well and admired her for them; it was an understanding they had reached long before they became involved.

They weren’t afraid to lose each other, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t cherish their time together, especially in the few moments that they had to themselves.

He didn’t presume to know better than the generations of Jedi before him, but he had never believed in following orders without question. Kanan found his own way. He’d had to.

As usual, it was just as Hera said: Ezra wasn’t alone. Kanan would teach him what he could and keep him focused, but Ezra would find his own way. It may not have been the way of the Jedi Order – Kanan would never know for sure – but it was the only way. 

There was one thing he did know: fear and self-doubt would be his undoing. He regarded Hera, running the back of his free hand along her jaw. If this amazing being next to him could have faith in him, then he had no choice but to trust himself.

Hera closed her eyes and his hand followed the curve of her chin, cupping the other side of her face. It was Hera who closed the distance between them, finding his lips with her own for a soft kiss. She laced her fingers in his hair and he turned his body toward hers to better reciprocate.

After a moment, Kanan pulled back to look at her, laughing quietly at his own luck. His voice was low when he spoke. “When am I going to learn that you’re always right?”

Hera shot him that delightful smirk again, linking her hands behind his neck. 

“Stop talking, love.”

 _So wise_ , Kanan thought, before he pulled her onto his lap and complied.


End file.
